Review: The Coconut
Category: Fruits
Author: Coconut Palm
Rating: 35%
The Coconut is the fruit of the Coconut palm. It is quasi-spherical in shape and brown in colour. It has a rough texture, and is coated with rough, thick bristles. It has three black spots on one end which resemble eyes; in actuality these apertures are germination pores. Beneath its hard and woody exterior, the fruit is filled with flesh and juice, although unlike most fruits the two are distinct. Each coconut fruit is equipped with only a single seed, which is also to be found here. The coconut is named not through any sort of botanical link to the Cocoa Tree, but because of their resemblance to a Portuguese which called Coco. They are cultivated by Homo Sapiens, although this species is not naturally adapted to eating the fruit. Birgus Latro, the coconut crab, is one of the few species which is. The coconut plays a ceremonial role in many small religions, as well as being the focal point of the coconut shy, a carnival game traditionally played between groups of humans. The aim of this game is to extort small amounts of money, or garner undeserved rewards, from the opposing team.
The coconut is a fruit that’s had an identity crisis. Is it a fruit? A nut? What’s the target market here? It doesn’t seem very well defined. The shell is bristly and unappealing to hold, as well as being very tough to crack; first impressions are important, and the coconut totally fails to make one. This is also due, in part, to the issue of the name- the Cocoa plant is the plant to beat in terms of edible botanicals. By all means have a pop at the champ, but to pick such a similar name is a huge marketing mistake. It’s the equivalent of opening a fast food chain called ‘Donald’s’- marketing suicide.
Once you get past the exterior, things don’t get better. The flavour of the coconut flesh, or endosperm, treads a fine line between subtle and bland. Again, we're having a problem with names; the endosperm of a coconut doesn't taste great, but it tastes even worse when you're thinking of sperm. The milk is little better. Usually billed as ‘refreshing’, it lives up to this title but not much further. One should also bear in mind that, weight for weight, coconut oil contains more saturated fats than lard.
The simple fact is that the coconut is a selfish fruit. It doesn’t want to give up its sweet (but not that sweet) flesh, it wants to keep it all for itself. It’s true that this means oceanic travel is a possibility for the coconut palm- it has colonised much of the Mediterranean very easily because it has the power to sail for weeks, or months, to find a new patch: well done coconut. You’re still boring to eat, though.
Although there isn’t much that’s positive to say in regards to the coconut, I will say this: it has the cutest face of any fruit I’ve ever seen. This face actually improves the visual aspect vastly- but it’s not quite cute enough to make up for its shortcomings. The coconut is a good fruit, with a face that could arouse maternal feelings in a character from a ‘Strongbow’ advert; sadly, it tastes rubbish- and that’s unforgivable in a fruit. Coconut? It’s a no-no-nut.
Category: Fruits
Author: Coconut Palm
Rating: 35%
The Coconut is the fruit of the Coconut palm. It is quasi-spherical in shape and brown in colour. It has a rough texture, and is coated with rough, thick bristles. It has three black spots on one end which resemble eyes; in actuality these apertures are germination pores. Beneath its hard and woody exterior, the fruit is filled with flesh and juice, although unlike most fruits the two are distinct. Each coconut fruit is equipped with only a single seed, which is also to be found here. The coconut is named not through any sort of botanical link to the Cocoa Tree, but because of their resemblance to a Portuguese which called Coco. They are cultivated by Homo Sapiens, although this species is not naturally adapted to eating the fruit. Birgus Latro, the coconut crab, is one of the few species which is. The coconut plays a ceremonial role in many small religions, as well as being the focal point of the coconut shy, a carnival game traditionally played between groups of humans. The aim of this game is to extort small amounts of money, or garner undeserved rewards, from the opposing team.
The coconut is a fruit that’s had an identity crisis. Is it a fruit? A nut? What’s the target market here? It doesn’t seem very well defined. The shell is bristly and unappealing to hold, as well as being very tough to crack; first impressions are important, and the coconut totally fails to make one. This is also due, in part, to the issue of the name- the Cocoa plant is the plant to beat in terms of edible botanicals. By all means have a pop at the champ, but to pick such a similar name is a huge marketing mistake. It’s the equivalent of opening a fast food chain called ‘Donald’s’- marketing suicide.
Once you get past the exterior, things don’t get better. The flavour of the coconut flesh, or endosperm, treads a fine line between subtle and bland. Again, we're having a problem with names; the endosperm of a coconut doesn't taste great, but it tastes even worse when you're thinking of sperm. The milk is little better. Usually billed as ‘refreshing’, it lives up to this title but not much further. One should also bear in mind that, weight for weight, coconut oil contains more saturated fats than lard.
The simple fact is that the coconut is a selfish fruit. It doesn’t want to give up its sweet (but not that sweet) flesh, it wants to keep it all for itself. It’s true that this means oceanic travel is a possibility for the coconut palm- it has colonised much of the Mediterranean very easily because it has the power to sail for weeks, or months, to find a new patch: well done coconut. You’re still boring to eat, though.
Although there isn’t much that’s positive to say in regards to the coconut, I will say this: it has the cutest face of any fruit I’ve ever seen. This face actually improves the visual aspect vastly- but it’s not quite cute enough to make up for its shortcomings. The coconut is a good fruit, with a face that could arouse maternal feelings in a character from a ‘Strongbow’ advert; sadly, it tastes rubbish- and that’s unforgivable in a fruit. Coconut? It’s a no-no-nut.
