Review: Forbidden Fruit
Category: Fruits
Author: God, a.k.a Allah, a.k.a Jehovah
Rating: 8%
The Forbidden Fruit, or Knowledge of Good and Evil fruit, is similar to the grape in appearance, but finer. It has a very distinctive and pervasive smell, and grows from a tree much like the tamarind tree. It has never been cultivated by humans, although the God of the Abrahamic religions is known to have done so. The fruit is very good to eat, but comes with a hideous moral implication, and is very hard to come by since the species of tree which bears it has been extinct since the fall of man- roughly 2000 BCE.
The forbidden fruit has received mixed reviews over time; God went on record saying it was a terrible thing to eat, and in fact expressly forbidding its consumption (hence the name). On the other hand, the serpent gave it five stars, and Eve strongly recommended it to every other human in the world. Why the difference in opinion?
The key here is that God is the only known cultivator of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and is also the only person to have slated it. Suddenly, it’s not an edict- it’s a marketing decision. Controlled substances enjoy a huge market value and a bustling trade; God knows that, not only because he’s a shrewd businessman, but because he knows everything. Criminalize the fruit, profits rocket, God sells his shares and quits his day job (as superintendent and landlord of Eden). It’s win-win, except for Adam and Eve, who get evicted.
Objectively though, the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil doesn’t have much to add to the average fruit salad. Although the appeal is strong- forbidden fruit- there really isn’t much to be had here; the price is prohibitive, and the flavour isn’t up to much as far as I'm concerned. Why bother causing the fall of man every time you eat, when you could just have grapes? Sure, these are better than your average grape, but at those prices you can afford the highest quality grapes on the market. Rumours that it can make you a God are also strongly overstated.
I don't like to point the finger- after all, I'm a reviewer, not an investigative journalist- but it seems to me there's something very suspect about the business practice here. The customer testimonials don't add up: the serpent is now widely believed to be a pseudonym of Lucifer the Fallen, who is now CEO of Hell. What was his last job? Morning Star in Heaven, of course, under the management of God. Adam and Eve, staunch supporters of the fruit, changed their tune once they were evicted from Eden. I'm not making accusations- but is this the kind of business you want to support with your fruit money? Buy a fairtrade banana, for God's sake.
The knowledge of good and evil fruit has been carried a long way by great advertising. The production values are poor, however, and there’s no USP; the fruit is entirely middle-of-the-road. I know there’s the cult value, and everyone wants to try it once, but don’t be taken in. Bottom line: don’t try this fruit- it’s definitely not worth your trouble. The forbidden fruit isn't always the sweetest, it just always makes the sweetest profit for God.
Category: Fruits
Author: God, a.k.a Allah, a.k.a Jehovah
Rating: 8%
The Forbidden Fruit, or Knowledge of Good and Evil fruit, is similar to the grape in appearance, but finer. It has a very distinctive and pervasive smell, and grows from a tree much like the tamarind tree. It has never been cultivated by humans, although the God of the Abrahamic religions is known to have done so. The fruit is very good to eat, but comes with a hideous moral implication, and is very hard to come by since the species of tree which bears it has been extinct since the fall of man- roughly 2000 BCE.
The forbidden fruit has received mixed reviews over time; God went on record saying it was a terrible thing to eat, and in fact expressly forbidding its consumption (hence the name). On the other hand, the serpent gave it five stars, and Eve strongly recommended it to every other human in the world. Why the difference in opinion?
The key here is that God is the only known cultivator of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and is also the only person to have slated it. Suddenly, it’s not an edict- it’s a marketing decision. Controlled substances enjoy a huge market value and a bustling trade; God knows that, not only because he’s a shrewd businessman, but because he knows everything. Criminalize the fruit, profits rocket, God sells his shares and quits his day job (as superintendent and landlord of Eden). It’s win-win, except for Adam and Eve, who get evicted.
Objectively though, the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil doesn’t have much to add to the average fruit salad. Although the appeal is strong- forbidden fruit- there really isn’t much to be had here; the price is prohibitive, and the flavour isn’t up to much as far as I'm concerned. Why bother causing the fall of man every time you eat, when you could just have grapes? Sure, these are better than your average grape, but at those prices you can afford the highest quality grapes on the market. Rumours that it can make you a God are also strongly overstated.
I don't like to point the finger- after all, I'm a reviewer, not an investigative journalist- but it seems to me there's something very suspect about the business practice here. The customer testimonials don't add up: the serpent is now widely believed to be a pseudonym of Lucifer the Fallen, who is now CEO of Hell. What was his last job? Morning Star in Heaven, of course, under the management of God. Adam and Eve, staunch supporters of the fruit, changed their tune once they were evicted from Eden. I'm not making accusations- but is this the kind of business you want to support with your fruit money? Buy a fairtrade banana, for God's sake.
The knowledge of good and evil fruit has been carried a long way by great advertising. The production values are poor, however, and there’s no USP; the fruit is entirely middle-of-the-road. I know there’s the cult value, and everyone wants to try it once, but don’t be taken in. Bottom line: don’t try this fruit- it’s definitely not worth your trouble. The forbidden fruit isn't always the sweetest, it just always makes the sweetest profit for God.
