Review: Narnia
Category: Countries
Author: Aslan
Rating: 44%
Narnia is a country in the world known as Narnia, and can also refer to the empire held by that country. The nation of Narnia existed the moment the world of Narnia was created, and continued to exist until that world was destroyed, after 2555 years of Narnian time. It’s unclear how Narnian time relates to Earth time, but it seems that the world of Narnia existed, roughly, between 1900 and 1949 CE. Narnia is traditionally a kingdom. It has a significant coastline on its Eastern side, where it borders the Bight of Calormen. It also borders the Western Wild on the West, Ettinsmoor to the North, and the kingdom of Archenland to the South. The principle economic resource of the country is its river, the great river of Narnia, which is used for trade, travel and fishing. Citizens of Narnia are very diverse, but include amongst other things talking animals, dwarfs, fauns and humans. The capital of Narnia is the citadel town of Cair Pavarel.
Narnia is full of talking animals, and that bothers me. There are also centaurs, and minotaurs, and fauns and satyrs and dwarfs and witches- it’s good to be multi-cultural, but we have to draw a line somewhere. I mean, not everyone can use the same municipal buildings, for Christ’s sake. The beavers don’t want a library now, but what if they did? I’m just saying, it’s not a practical way to live. I don’t want to offend anyone- what if something complimentary to horses is offensive to otters? You’ve always got to be on your toes, and do remember to never ask for meat in restaurants. It’s obviously quite a touchy subject.
That said, the citizenry of Narnia is very diverse, which always keeps things fresh. They seem to have a thriving economy, despite having no real natural resources, so no worries there either. In the absence of other information, I attribute this success to the state currency, the lion. Although conversion rates are unspecified, I would assume that it is somewhere between the Euro and the Sterling. The economic workings of Narnia are hazy at best, as no real records are kept in this area- although we can safely assume that, like every other country, they owe China money- so don’t count on any investments here holding their value.
Narnia is, of course, a kingdom in the truest sense of the word. I can’t help but think that this is a little outdated. It’s all very well to maintain a working monarchy for sentimental value, but to actually use that as a method of governance is pushing it. Historically, Narnia has been incredibly lucky; many dictators and usurpers have been ousted in ways that seem very unlikely. I won’t criticise their good luck, but I will say that it speaks volumes about the stability of your country when it has to be saved by children. One would assume this was something of a reality check.
I must admit, running on Narnian time is a bonus. One Narnian year equates to one Earth week, so there’s the obvious opportunity to get a lot more done. Sadly, Narnia is hugely backward in its approach to technology, and never harnessed electricity, so whatever you’re planning on getting done there had better not include internet access or telecoms.
The Narnian climate is very unpredictable; they once had what locals cordially refer to as a ‘hundred year winter’. It’s no exaggeration. This, of course, hurts tourism in Narnia immensely- and in fact, less than fifty people have ever travelled from an Earth country to Narnia. Of course transport is also a factor- a very complex process involving a wardrobe (I won’t go into it, suffice it to say that it's unnecessarily complicated, and doesn't involve customs checks of any kind)- so altogether Narnia is a holiday no-go.
Some may read it as quirky, but I say Narnia is a very unpredictable country, and I wouldn’t recommend it as a holiday destination or as a place of residence. It certainly has potential though: a little racial segregation, someone to do the accounts- this could be a great place. I admire Aslan for trying, but something’s definitely lacking here: planning. Chin up, Aslan- I look forward to reviewing countries founded by you, and other type-of-Christ lions, in the future.
