Review: Incident II
Category: Genocide
Author: Xenu (Ruler of the Galactic Confederacy)
Rating: 75%
The phrase ‘Incident II’, otherwise known as the galactic genocide, refers to an event which occurred circa 75,000,000 BCE. At the initiation of Xenu, then ruler of the Galactic Confederacy (which consisted of 26 stars and 76 planets), a large number of citizens under his jurisdiction were effectively put to death. After being captured and immersed in a mixture of alcohol and glycol, the victims were effectively frozen since their souls couldn’t escape. The incident itself happened on the planet Teegeeack, later known as Earth, where Xenu deposited the frozen citizens in vast numbers around the bases of large volcanoes. He then detonated a number of hydrogen bombs, causing the volcanoes to erupt in synchronity. There were very few survivors. Xenu then attempted to capture the souls of the victims, or ‘thetans’, using an electronic ribbon. He brainwashed the souls in a 3D cinema, effectively preventing them from ever properly reincarnating.
Xenu was, quite clearly, one vindictive son of a bitch. I think the attempt to capture the souls of his victims is probably the coup de grace of this genocide, amply displaying a level of commitment which most can only dream of. Also, with his kill count comfortably into the billions, Xenu may well be the most proficient genocidal maniac of all time. Quality and quantity? I like his style.
His use of materials is also quite imaginative. Use the bombs to kill the victims? Too easy. A complex scheme involving freezing the targets in a cocktail of chemicals before using volcanoes to finish the job is very much where it’s at. Creative thinking combined with a thorough approach and a high kill count: we’re onto a winner.
My main complaint about Incident II is that as a genocide, there’s very little evidence of ethnographic motive. As far as one can tell, Xenu was just trying to reduce over-crowding on the 76 planets he administered to. Although I applaud him, therefore, for his initiative and problem solving abilities, I’ve got to say- this is more of a mass-murder than it is a genocide. There’s nothing wrong with that Per Se, but I think it loses some of the evil if the killings are indiscriminate rather than ruthlessly premeditated. There’s no finesse, I suppose.
Incident II is a great, high budget affair. No expense has been spared, and Xenu is clearly a safe pair of hands to oversee the proceedings. I’ve got no concerns over the method here, and the motive- cloudy at first- has a kind of evil brilliance in its conspicuous practicality. All good genocides should be, in some sense, a solution- and that’s exactly what Xenu achieves. Sadly, he didn’t get away with it, and there’s where it all falls down; with better marketing, a little PR work (genocide is, as a rule, a pig that needs a lot of lipstick), and some media coverage Xenu could have come out of this laughing. Instead, he was trapped inside a mountain for all eternity.
That kind of spoils the fun, no? He didn’t get away with it, even though he was (apparently) motivated by the desire to solve a civic problem. It well and truly deflates what might have been a perfect genocide. If Xenu couldn’t think his way out of that one, then he wasn’t an evil genius, he was an evil dunce. This is a disappointment of galactic proportion.
