Review: Kal-El (Superman)
Category: Heroes
Author: Jor-El and Lara
Rating: 52%
Kal-El, also known as Clark Kent, is a Kryptonian superhero whose alter-ego is referred to as Superman. He came to earth in the early 1930s, after the destruction of his home planet, Krypton. His costume- A blue suit with a stylised ‘S’ set in a shield on the chest, with red boots, knickers, cape and yellow belt- is instantly recognisable; he is one of the most iconic superheroes to ever live on earth. His powers have proved considerably unstable over his lengthy career; originally imbued only with super strength and speed, he has since then acquired various abilities including: flight, ice-breath, micro- and telescopic vision, super-hearing and invulnerability. Kal-El married human female Lois Lane in 1996.
There’s no denying that Superman is an archetypal hero- but my main problem is with those fluctuating powers. How could he ever be dependable? I doubt even he can remember which powers he’s retaining, and when: you might call on him for ice-breath, and find that he’s only got heat-emitting vision. That’s, like, the opposite of what you need. There’s just no organisation, I guess, and that’s the heart of the issue for me.
Another issue is that back-story: he came from a dying, decrepit community which couldn’t support itself for much longer, and he came to America to do jobs that regular Americans wouldn’t even think possible? It’s been 79 years- immigration will be beating the door down any day now. Where does that leave those of us who need saving? In the lurch, that’s where. Or it would, if Superman's arch nemesis wasn't Lex Luther, who- terrifyingly enough- has the power of 'high intelligence', and the profession of scientist. Shocker.
His persona is fair enough, but it’s kind of got no USP. That’s something that really devalues the whole operation: saying ‘Superman’ is just like saying ‘really good man’. How is that going to stand up to other heroes? Sure, it’s straightforward: it does what it says on the tin. It’s just a little flat. It’s not a concept that can stand up to modern competition- why not re-brand? With a new costume, some sort of characteristic weapon- hobnail boots, for example- and be Sole Man, or The Boot, or Kickstart. Anything! Anything would be better than ‘Superman’.
There’s nothing wrong with the alter-ego, Clark Kent is perfectly respectable and makes an ideal mild-mannered double. Very little in the way of actual disguise, except glasses- it has been commented on- but whatever works; critics will be critics. At the end of the day, if glasses are enough to fool the populace, then that’s the problem of the populace, not Kal-El.
There’s always the kryptonite thing, though. That’s kind of an Achilles heel, no? After all, Kryptonite is what the planet Krypton was made of before it blew up- so there’s at least a planet’s worth of it floating around out there somewhere. Achilles heel was vulnerable- but hey, it was only the size of a tennis ball, and he always knew where it was. That’s not to mention the weird fact that Kryptonians live on a planet made of a substance that poisons them. Maybe it’s best that place blew up- it was obviously a huge safety hazard.
There’s no doubt that Superman is the old mainstay of metropolitan mass-protection; the first word in righting the wrongs of evil-doers. He’s just a little bit past it, for me. We can all recognize the contribution he’s made over the years, but frankly it’s high time he retired, leaving the stage to new powers and new voices. He may be well-loved now, but nothing gets old faster than an unwelcome superhero: if he’s not careful, a couple of years down the line he’ll find out that he’s become the kryptonite of everyone else.
